Not This Year and 2006 MLB Predictions

You just gotta love Cubs fans, as seen in this recent ESPN.com article. Despite year after year of dismal Cubs baseball, they still hold hope that their beloved team will rise once again. Last year they silently believed that they would attend the big dance, this year their reasoning why they are going to the World Series is laughable. Here it is: Boston ended their 86 year curse in 2004, and the White Sox ended their 88 year slump last year, so naturally the Cubs will end their 98 years of *fill in excuse here (they'll say something about goats, and Bartman)* this year. Hmmmmm, with logic like that, who needs a healthy pitching rotation? They might have a chance at doing something if DL residents Wood and Prior could start and finish the season without damaging themselves. Here's a newsflash, "Wait 'till next year."

The Cubs aside, here are my predictions for the 2006 season:

AL East

1. New York Yankees
2. Boston Red Sox
3. Toronto Blue Jays
4. Baltimore Orioles
5. Tampa Bay Devil Rays

AL Central

1. Chicago White Sox
2. Cleveland Indians
3. Detroit Tigers
4. Minnesota Twins
5. Kansas City Royals

AL West

1. Oakland Athletics
2. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
3. Texas Rangers
4. Seattle Mariners

NL East

1. Atlanta Braves
2. New York Mets
3. Philadelphia Phillies
4. Washington Nationals
5. Flordia Marlins

NL Central

1. St Louis Cardinals
2. Milwaukee Brewers
3. Chicago Cubs
4. Houston Astros
5. Pittsburgh Pirates
6. Cincinnati Reds

NL West

1. Los Angeles Dodgers
2. San Diego Padres
3. San Francisco Giants
4. Arizona Diamondbacks
5. Colorado Rockies

All-Star Game
AL over NL

Playoffs:
ALDS
White Sox over Indians
Yankees over A's
ALCS
White Sox over Yankees

NLDS
Braves over Dodgers
Cardinals over Mets
NLCS
Cardinals over Braves

World Series
White Sox over Cardinals

Who Needs Paid Help When Google is Free

Inspired by a recent bulletin [on MySpace], I've decided to let Google perform the duties of psychic and psychologist.

What Jayson needs:

1. Jayson needs to read the rules before trying to change them.
2. Jayson needs a job.
3. Jayson needs to get out on tour with REK or Reckless Kelly or someone in order to get more national exposure.
4. Jayson needs to get on and fix his blog thingy.
5. Jayson needs to categorically celebrate the overturning of personal-injury verdicts.
6. Jayson needs to lay off the spicy foods before bedtime.
7. Jayson needs therapy, and Kristin is cheating on him with Brad Pitt.
8. Jayson needs only $2200 support per month.
9. Jayson needs the price more than Sam does.
10. Jayson needs to be held fully and completely accountable for his actions, and the damage he has done.
11. Jayson needs to open his stance a little.
12. Jayson needs to be beaten badly, and humiliated.
13. Jayson needs a dose of virtual killin' every day.
14. Jayson needs more redeeming qualties.
15. Jayson needs to sticky this thread.
16. Jayson needs a social life.
17. Jayson needs a better woman.
18. Jayson needs a little push in the tracker.
19. Jayson needs to find his swing.
20. Jayson needs a few more lessons on riding.
21. Jayson needs a blowjob.
22. Jayson needs to bring bigger sample bottles when he comes by.
23. Jayson needs to build off his first win and keeping attacking in his next match.
24. Jayson needs to thank God and the jury and/or judge everyday for his freedom.

What Jayson wants:

1. Jayson wants to complain about some random Indian Health Care bill.
2. Jayson wants you punished.
3. Jayson wants to be a writer when he grows up.
4. Jayson wants two words outta retrial: 'shot' and 'victim'.
5. Jayson wants public schools to fail "because public schools refuse to Christianize children".
6. Jayson wants to know whether there's something out there beyond unknown unknowns.
7. Jayson wants everyone to be healthy, but he figures dumb ideas from politicians won't get us there.
8. Jayson wants to put Jack in the basement.
9. Jayson wants new tires and a phone.
10. Jayson wants to have a franchise that will put a high quality product on the field and relate to the fans.
11. Jayson wants to be Jay-Z.
12. Jayson wants to donate his money to that cause or some other worthy cause that doesn't have a Maryland connection.

What Jayson likes:

1. Jayson likes chicken wings and Dominos pizza with apple juice and strawberry milk.
2. Jayson likes Ptang.
3. Jayson likes a clean desk.
4. Jayson likes to program in binary and write not-so-funny jokes using XML.
5. Jayson likes to call the common wisdom that "undecideds break 2 to 1 for the challenger" is a liberal myth.
6. Jayson likes to be called "jay-love."
7. Jayson likes properly timed stock buybacks as much as properly timed cold beer.
8. Jayson likes guys with big hairy ass cheeks hanging out.

Jayson miscellany:

1. Jayson will marry Faith Shepard.
2. The ghost of Jayson will return.
3. Jayson thinks AOL got a pretty sweet deal from Google.
4. Jayson will make your kid a communist.
5. Jayson drives an 05 crystal grey STi with the chargspeed body kit and lots of other goodies.
6. Jayson sings Bass in the Four Voices quartet and is most noted for his lack of height.
7. Jayson watches figure skating and awaits breathlessly for Dick Buttons to speak.
8. Whenever Jayson eats Waffle Crisps he gets "in the mood," or while "in the mood" he'll start to crave Waffle Crisps.
9. Jayson is dating Fergie's best friend.
10. Jayson is a co-founder of Amberjack Software LLC.
11. Jayson will appear all over the TV.
12. Jayson will be reviewing the Indiana Jones Box Set.
13. Jayson has outstanding arm strength and speed.
14. Jayson will be competing in many magic competitions and performing regularly at the Louisiana Children's Museum.
15. Jayson will tell you all you need to know to make those first important steps in creative writing.
16. Jayson will be the face for the kiwifruit industry.
17. Jayson will replace Ari Fleischer as White House Press Secretary.
18. Jayson's music is available in stores nationwide.
19. Jayson no longer runs anything that gives Google access to his hard drive.
20. Jayson has 160 galleries and 3157 images online.
21. Jayson won't be stopping by until Noon EST on Tuesday, March 14th.
22. Jayson doesn't know that Santa Clause is Daddy.